Bereavement Information | Financial Information | Probate a Will
Life Insurance Information | Social Security Information | Veterans Benefits

Handling Grief

Five Assumptions That May Complicate Grief:

1) Life prepares us for loss. More is learned about loss through the experience than through the preparation. Living may not provide preparation for survival. Handling grief resulting from the death of a loved one is a process that takes hard work. The fortunate experience of a happy life may not have built a complete foundation for handling loss. Healing is built through perseverance, support, and understanding. The bereaved need others: Find others who are empathetic.

2) Family and friends will understand. A spouse dies, children lose a parent, a sibling loses a sibling, a parent loses a child, and a friend loses a friend. Each response will be different according to the relationship. Family and friends may not be capable of understanding each other thoroughly. Allowance must be made so that grief may be experienced appropriately and processed in its time. The bereaved need others: Find others who are accepting.

3) The bereaved should be finished with their grief within a year or something is wrong.

During the first year, the bereaved will experience one of everything for the first time, alone: anniversaries, birthdays. occasions, etc. Therefore, grief will last for at least one year. The cliché, "the healing hands of time," does not go far enough to explain what must take place. The key to handling grief is in what work is done over time. It takes time and work to decide what to do and where to go with the new and changed life that is left behind. The bereaved need others: Find others who are patient.

4) Along with the end of grief's pain comes the end of the memories.
At times, the bereaved may embrace the pain of grief believing it is all he or she has left. The lingering close bond to the deceased is sometimes thought to maintain the memories while, in fact, just the opposite is true. By learning to let go and live a new and changed life, memories tend to come back more clearly. Growth and healing comes in learning to enjoy the memories. The bereaved need others: Find new friends and interests.

5) The bereaved should grieve alone.
After the funeral service is over, the bereaved may find himself alone. He may feel as though he is going crazy, painfully uncertain in his world of thoughts and emotions. The bereaved begins to feel normal again when the experience is shared with others who have lost a loved one. Then, in reaching out, the focus of life becomes forward. The bereaved need others: Find others who are experienced.

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Legal Information / Probating a Will
Perhaps one of the most important tasks you now face is the disposition of your loved one's estate. Whether or not the deceased had a will can make a greater difference in the time and effort involved in the proper disposition. We suggest that you obtain legal advice on the array of different matters such as the disbursement or conservation of assets, changing of property deeds and titles, the disposition of bank accounts, stocks and bonds, and the disposition of any business assets.

If you don't already have an attorney, now is a good time to find one. The best methods of finding an attorney are through friends or relatives, or by calling your local bar association. If your loved one had a will, it will need to be probated. Probate is the legal procedure for the orderly distribution of estates. In most cases, probating a will is a simple process. Only in the instances where a will is being contested or the deceased had numerous holdings will the action be more complex. There is usually a specified time within which a will must be probated, so it is important to check carefully. If there was no will, the estate will be disposed of according to the state laws governing descent and distribution. Preparation and/or review of your own will are also important considerations at this time. It is the best way to assure that your estate is handled according to your desires

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Financial and Credit Obligations
You will want to gather all of the bills together and make sure you are aware of all the credit obligations of the deceased. Many installment loans, service contracts, and credit card accounts are covered by credit life insurance, which pays off the account balance in the event of the death of the customer. You should contact any financial institution where the deceased had a loan and inform them of the death. They will be able to inform you if the loan was covered by credit life and what needs to be done to file the appropriate claim. A death certificate is often required. You will also want to contact credit card companies to notify them of the death. If the card is held jointly, find out what documentation is required to change cards into the survivor's name. Ask the credit bureau to assist you in transferring your spouse's credit into your name. They may also be able to assist you in determining any outstanding obligations of the deceased. Make a prompt request for release from each bank in which the deceased and you held a joint account. This is necessary before you can withdraw funds from that account. A bank will usually stop payment on all checks as soon as a death notice is published. The bank must also have the account cleared by the state tax authorities.

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Life Insurance Information
Traditionally, life insurance companies require only two forms to establish proof of a claim: a statement of claim, and the certificate of death (or attending physician's statement). Remember, though, that this is just a general statement, and your insurance companies reserve the right to request further information or proof if they deem it necessary. When filling out the claim form, you should have available the following information:

• the policy number(s) and face amount(s).
• the full name and address of the deceased.
• His (her) occupation and last date worked.
• His (her) date and place of birth and the source of birth information.
• Date, place and cause of death.
• Claimant's name, age, address and Social Security number.

There are several ways of settling insurance claims. In most cases, you can opt for a lump sum benefit, or you can have the money paid to you over a time period of your choice. In the latter case, the bulk of the money remains with the insurance company and continues to gather interest. In all cases, you should check with your insurance agent, financial advisor or attorney to find out the method which would be most beneficial to your particular situation. This is also an important time to review your own insurance needs, as often these needs can change after the death of a family member or other loved one. Good organization of your own insurance information can aid survivors at the time this information is needed.

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Social Security
Most of us are entitled to some type of Social Security benefit, but the nature of the benefit(s) and the qualifications thereof are subject to change. Thus, it is important to obtain timely information every few years on what benefits may be due. It is also important to remember that SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS MUST BE APPLIED FOR: THEY ARE NOT PAID AUTOMATICALLY. Also, benefits must be applied for within a specific time frame. To facilitate the filing of a claim for your Social Security benefits, you will need most or all of the following documents:

• Death Certificate or Birth Certificate of Deceased
• Social Security Card of Deceased
• Marriage Certificate (copy)
• Birth Certificate of Applicant
• Birth Certificates of Minor Children
• Disability Proof for Children over 18
• Receipted funeral bill

Currently, Social Security benefits are available in cases of disability and at the time of retirement (age 62); when death occurs, benefits are available to a surviving spouse over age 60 and to surviving children under age 18.

You can contact your local office for current information on claims procedures, or call number at: Social Security Office specific benefits and the national toll-free 1-800-772-1213

You may also write to your local office, or to the national Social Security Office at: Social Security Administration Baltimore, Maryland 21238

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Veteran's Benefits
The family of an honorably discharged veteran may be entitled to a number of benefits. Please be aware that VETERAN'S BENEFITS MUST BE APPLIED FOR: THEY ARE NOT PAID AUTOMATICALLY.

When filing a claim for Veteran's Benefits, most or all of the following documents will be needed: o Veteran's Death Certificate o Veteran's Discharge Papers o Copy of Veteran's Marriage Certificate o Birth Certificates of Veteran's Minor Children o Receipt of Itemized Funeral Bill for Veteran You can contact your local or regional office of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs for current information on benefits and claims procedures, or call the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs at: 1-202-273-5400 Or write: U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs 810 Vermont Avenue, N.W. Washington, D.C. 20420

VETERAN'S BURIAL BENEFITS
Claim Procedure Dependents of veterans, widows and/or children should visit their nearest VA regional office immediately upon a veteran's demise to complete a VA claim form. You will need a certified copy or original DD2 14 (Enlisted Record and Report of Separation). In all cases, a death certificate is required. When the claim is processed, payment will be made according to the insured's intention: lump sum or monthly installment. Processing time is about 90 days.

Burial Benefits Payable

a. Interment or Burial Plot Allowance - An allowance not exceeding $150 for incurred expenses of interment or burial plot when the burial was not made in a national cemetery. To be eligible the deceased must have been receiving disability benefits, compensation or pension.
b. Basic Burial Allowance - An allowance of $300 for expenses of burial and funeral of the eligible deceased veteran. To be eligible a veteran must have been receiving pension or compensation from the VA or be eligible for it or die in a VA facility.
c. Burial Allowance for Service-Connected Death - When the veteran's death occurs as the result of a service-connected disability, an amount up to $1500 may be paid in lieu of other burial benefits.
d. Transportation Costs - The cost of transporting the body to the place of burial may also be paid in addition to the above allowances when:

 (I) The veteran died while in a hospital, domiciliary, or nursing home to which he or she had been properly admitted under authority of the VA; or
(II) The veteran died enroute while traveling under prior authorization of the VA for the purpose of examination, treatment or care.

e. Headstones/Markers - A government-provided grave marker is available from VA to mark the unmarked grave of an eligible veteran.
f. Burial Flag - An American flag is provided to drape the casket of a veteran. After the funeral service, the flag may be given to the next of kin or close friend or associate of the deceased. Flags are issued at any VA office, and most local post offices.
g. Interment in VA National Cemeteries - The interment of a deceased veteran will be authorized in any cemetery in which grave space is available. There is no charge for a grave in a national cemetery. Application for burial can be made only at the time of death. The cost of transporting the body to the place of burial may be paid when the veteran died while in a hospital, domiciliary, or nursing home to which he or she had been properly admitted under authority of the VA, or when the veteran died enroute while traveling under prior authorization of the VA for the purpose of examination, treatment or care. The veteran's family is responsible for the cost of the casket and other funeral home charges although the basic burial allowance and the burial allowance for service-connected death may be applied to these expenses. Verification eligibility takes two working days; however, some cases may require a longer period of time. The time and date of the burial should not be announced until the cemetery director has confirmed eligibility and authorized interment.

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